To the Moms of Neurotypicals
Will you talk to your child about autism?
When I was about 10 years old, I was tagging along in the grocery store with my mom, walking down the aisles and retrieving items off shelves as directed. Along one aisle, there was a boy shopping with his mother who was slightly older, probably about age 12, who had a significant neurological difference. I stared at him as he galloped along next to his mother, and I was lost in a cloud of guilt and pity for this boy. I didn’t know anything about him, but I assumed his difference was sad. It made me sad.
As my mother and I rounded the next aisle I was lost in a cloud of worry for this boy, when suddenly he raced up behind me, threw his arms around my shoulders, hugged me from behind, and loudly yelled, “I love you!”
His mother came running to pull him off of me. As I stood in shock, she and my mother exchanged the requisite apologies and reassurances as I stood hiding behind my mother’s soft and comforting body. My child-like sadness was now mixed with terror. His unpredictable behavior made him dangerous.
Now, as the mother of a 12-year-old boy with autism, I often play a different role in that story — the role of the boy’s mother. Just last week, my son walked up to a cute little girl in the park and put his hand on her neck. He meant no harm — he liked her. But being touched by a strange boy, so matter how gently, is frightening. I recognized the look on her face.
Back when I was a child in the grocery store, my mom did what I hope the little girl’s mom did the other day. My mom reminded me that, even though I’d been startled — I was, in fact, okay. The boy intended to be kind. His unusual behavior didn’t need to scare me, it was unusual because I had never been exposed to anyone who might act that way.
It’s important to me as the mom of a boy with autism to expose him to everything that I can — joys and outings and restaurants and grocery stores. But I’d also argue that it’s even more important for typical kids to be exposed to kids with autism. Neurodiverse people are out in the world — as they should be — and they aren’t going anywhere.
Nobody can get comfortable around people with autism or other physical or behavioral differences just by talking about them, as a concept. The only way to get comfortable with difference is through direct exposure.
Feeling uncomfortable around someone different and having the courage to stay right there with them and feel those feelings — that’s acceptance.
So on behalf of my son and anyone you meet who might make you a little uncomfortable, thank you. And…you’re welcome.
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